America, a land of dreams… a land of possibilities… a symbol of success. A place where the stars get lost in millions of gorgeous lights… and winds become a constant through the AC vents. A country that promises a golden fairy-tale of a future to all those who look up to it.
Sure, it will startle you with all the twinkle and all the bubbly and all the fascinating uber-cool life that you only dreamt of till now…but if you are really quiet and listen carefully you’ll also hear the silent whimpering…if you look carefully you will see shadows of pain and betrayal in those big innocent eyes that until recently were beaming with dreams, pride, and anticipation.
For an Indian parent, a match from an NRI groom for their daughter is a dream come true. If the groom claims to have a house and a car in “Amrica” or “Canada” the credentials are seldom checked. The daughter is after-all infinitely lucky to have landed such a priceless proposition and lest such an “offer” gets out of hand she is married off to the groom as soon as possible without any further ado and after satisfying all the whims of the groom and his family. Such a match not only results in a social ascending for the bride’s family but also ensures a better future prospect for the other siblings of the bride.
After the marriage most newly wedded brides don’t even make it to their husband’s home as they are abandoned after marriage by their in-laws after off course, they have been ripped off of all their jewelry, their passport, and their valuables. The ones that make it to the other country with their husbands, most have more horrifying tales to tell.
According to “Manavi”, a New Jersey-based women’s rights organization that works to end all forms of violence against South Asian women living in the US, a staggering number of women are found abandoned by their newly wedded husbands at the airport. The story almost always is unanimous. Unsuspecting brides trust their husbands completely and handover their luggage (most of the time containing pieces of jewellery and other valuables) and passports to their husbands for safe-keep. Upon landing at the alien country the wife is asked to wait while the “chivalrous” husband goes to finish off with the custom clearance with the luggage and both the passports while the wife waits on… only to find out that the husband is never going to return and all the credentials are given (that were never cross-checked before the wedding in the first place) were all wrong. The result is an absolutely devastated, completely lost, utterly frightened, highly intimidated woman standing in an alien land, most often unable to even comprehend the language.
Then again there are some who actually make it to their husband’s home. Lucky them! Once they reach their matrimonial house to their horror most of the time they realize the person who they married and the actual person are two very different people!
Most psychiatrists say that there is a growing trend that the moment the parents realize there is a personality disorder in their children, rather than treating them they prefer sending their child away from their relatives. Or shall we say in a way “hide” their children from their relatives? And what better way to do so than a good job in the USA. And how can we forget the age-old remedy of all mental disorders….marriage! Parents always think that marriage will ”fix” whatever is wrong with their child. If he is irresponsible to get him married if he is a sex-addict get him married if he is a psychopath get him married…even if it’s at the cost of destroying another innocent life…who cares?
So imagine the plight of the bride when she realizes she is married to a monster. She is in an alien country, where her existence depends on her husband’s existence. She is more than a day and perhaps financially impossibly away from her parents, she cannot understand or speak the dialect of the place (most often than not), is at the mercy of a still stranger who is supposed to be her husband who treats her like an animal. Physical violence might not be so noticeable among Indian couples in that country because Indian men are extremely scared of leaving tell-tale signs but mental abuse and marital rape are rampant.
According to “Manavi” such plight of Indian women, specifically South Asian women (South Asian women are those who identify their country of origin as Bangladesh, India, Nepal, Pakistan, or Sri Lanka) are mind-blowing! They can only rescue a handful. Only to be sent back to the hell by their own parents in the name of “compromise” of which they never hear from again.
Marrying a mentally imbalanced person can destroy a person in every possible way not to mention it can be fatal.
Psychopaths lack a functioning conscience, and their defining quality is a complete lack of empathy and remorse. They are skilled, however, at reading and manipulating the emotions of others in order to get what they want.
According to Dr. Robert D. Hare, the foremost authority on psychopaths, these are some of the defining characteristics of psychopaths: glibness and superficial charm, grandiose sense of self-worth, pathological lying, lack of remorse and guilt, callous/lack of empathy.
According to a few eminent psychiatrists, clinical psychosis is on the rise. The following are a few pointers that should ring a bell in a woman’s head if they see these signs in their prospective partners and run as far away as possible from them as fast as possible,
5 Warning signs that he might be a psychopath
- Accelerated relationship timeline
The psychopath always knows it way too well that the facade of normalcy he has created, he won’t be able to maintain for too long. Immediate intimacy with you will be claimed by the psychopath. He will be love bombing you even throwing in words like “soul-mate” and “dream girl” very early in the relationship. Marriage proposals or proposals for moving in together will be offered within a few weeks or months, and sometimes even before meeting them.
- He seems too good to be true
They will always be at their best behavior in the initial phases. They will ensure you have your dream relationship with them. Be ready to get love-bombed, and feeling like their world revolves around you and only you. If the attention received seems overwhelming to you, be careful and take a step back to re-evaluate and slow the pace down.
- Your family and closest friends question his intent
The time spent with a psychopath initially can be so heady and manipulative that you might actually not see the signs or end up justifying the red flags that start showing up in your mind. Take notice if your friends and family unanimously seem to dislike your partner or show concern. Sometimes a third-person perspective is essential for what our eyes seem to be missing. Take heed to these concerns and re-evaluate the relationship.
- He tells great stories, but the facts don’t seem to add up
Remember always that a psychopath is a compulsive and pathological liars. They are infact master storytellers. When confronted with the inconsistencies of his stories, he will entirely deny, minimize or swiftly change the subject.
- Something about him just seems “off”
Usually, the psychopath hunts for “victims” who are very generous, trusting and naive. A personality like that combined with the manipulation and love bombing can easily overwhelm a person’s inner warning system, their “gut feel” or intuition. If your intuition is telling you something is just not right, listen to it. Try to figure out the reason for your concerns and verify them before you even think about discarding them.
The idea of the article is not to discourage anyone to marry an NRI but is merely to warn everyone against a practice that is fast becoming an epidemic. As it is said prevention is better than cure so we can take care of a few things before we proceed with an NRI match,
- Do a thorough background check on the groom and his family
- Ask for all the documents of his work
- Pay a visit to his workplace at least once and cross-check if he really works there.
- Ask for his passport details and keep a copy of the same
- Visit his residence once or twice.
Marriage is a beautiful union of two lives who decide to spend the rest of their lives together. And it should be all about just that. A little alertness and awareness can save us from a lot of ugliness later.
A small happy life is far better than a huge sham…
…
Parama's World Of Words 
4 responses to “Married to an NRI Psychopath”
the society needs to wake up amidst the turmoils our country has been facing for decades, one of them being that the western world is just all about goodness or may i say greatness, which is nothing more than a lie to their own self or lack of progressive education on the subject. but at this pace i fear this will take none less than sixty years at least.
Its really shameful. Are we so so called human beings? Leaving our child alone when we know that person is suffering from mental disorder and need your support the most.
And it’s really shocking to heard that people can be so cruel to there own close ones. All destiny…….
Very true that we should take certain measures before getting into any kid of relationship.
Of all the problems we have in India itself this just makes it that much worse. It’s very rampant and evident as well unfortunately. I think like you said it lies in the deep rooted belief that a job and settlement abroad is way better than our own home country. These same peopl often complain the country doesn’t develop but how can it? Most of our smart people end up serving in places other than India! But of course that’s an entirely different topic from what you had mentioned!
This issue really needed some light to be brought on, and I am glad you wrote about it as well!
Thank you so much, Anjali. I really want to educate the generation about this issue. Mental health issues are rampant these days and its alarming how unsuspecting people are falling for such toxic relationships.